Apologies for the absence of posts. I have recently had a change in my medication, meaning the transition between them left me feeling out of control with my moods, so it wasn’t really appropriate for me to be blogging when I couldn’t think straight.
For those of you that don’t know, Rapid Cycling Bipolar disorder is a mental illness (cue the gasps of horror that I dare talk about it openly!). It involves me having manic phases, where I have increased energy, less sleep and a lot less control over decisions or rational thinking, and depressive phases, where I feel so low I can’t get out of bed. On really bad days my own thoughts literally eat me alive. I have attempted suicide (I thank god that I wasn’t successful) and all my family and loved ones have had to learn to adjust and make allowances. The manic days might sound fun to most people, but they are actually more dangerous that the depression. I have literally no control, I’ve started fights, walked out of jobs, got in debt, taken on ridiculous projects and hurt the people I love. The ‘rapid cycling’ part is what makes me different from normal bipolar sufferers. I flip from one phase to the other lightening quick, it can happen over a few days, or even just a few hours. Medication helps to make the moods a little more controllable, but can’t get rid of them completely and there is no cure.
Now I really debated whether to post this or not, but I don’t want my condition to make me feel like I’m any different, and I wasn’t looking for any form of sympathy. I am hoping that by making people aware of this, others like me can get help. We all have our own struggles through life, this is mine. I am lucky to have a massive support group, my family and poor, long suffering boyfriend are amazing. It is never easy not knowing who you are going to wake up as in the morning, but this is who i am. I am not ‘moody’ or ‘dramatic’. And I can’t just ‘snap out of it’.
If you’re not feeling yourself, please see your doctor. It took me 10 years to get help and I wish I’d done it sooner.
If anyone has any questions about it, or just wants someone to talk to, feel free to comment or email me on firstname.lastname@example.org